Laying Low

I’ve been laying low a lot in my dating life as of late. After coming across information about the legalities of marriage and what it entails with the divorce procedures, it’s made me second guess a lot of my dating habits and why I even have this natural drive to meet women and get to know them. I guess I can attribute some of it to biology but there’s this undying desire for me to get to know a woman. But not just any woman. It has to be a woman that I can jive with. It has to be a woman that I find attractive enough. And believe me, I’ve seen some really stunningly beautiful women but never feel the inkling to want to get to know them. Why? Because my intuition tells me that they know that they are pretty and they know that they can get away with a lot of things because of their beauty. I mean, that’s usually how it goes, right? I really don’t want to put myself in a situation where a woman can use her beauty as leverage. That’s just stupid and really, it’s just asking for drama. Literally.

There’s this gal I know about right now that I “met” on Facebook. I was debating in a group, like I’ve always done, and she caught my eye. It’s not like she’s a strong debater because she’s not. But more so that she has a “style of communication” that I cannot help but notice that she talks like a Black person. The issue? She’s not Black. She’s Asian and I was told that she speaks Cantonese like I do. Imagine that, right? BUT! I figured the reason why is that she’s a product of her environment just like I have been. I grew up in East LA and one must talk like the Romans do, if one wanted to survive to live another day. By that, I mean like know how to talk ghetto and put up a front.

Anyway, she’s an interesting character but I don’t find her particularly attractive. She’s not hard on the eyes but she’s not stunning either. Just average. Nevertheless, after not having had any attention of a woman for the past few months, getting some attention from this gal is a nice change in pace, you know what I mean? I’ve gotten to know her a bit. She’s very young. A full decade younger than me, in fact. Incidentally, she’s about the same age as the last two gals that I was involved with briefly before that went downhill. I don’t understand why I tend to attract these types of gals. She wants to be a doctor of sorts but she’s currently struggling really badly in the sciences. And she’s awfully whiny, which isn’t that unusual for her age. Now, the number one thing I don’t like about her is her “Princess syndrome”. That’s gotta be one of the most grating personality quirks that I hate. It’s like, “Bitch! I’m only nice to you because I’m nice and I like being nice but it doesn’t mean you can waste my time talking about stuff in the American media and celebrity gossip that don’t really matter at the end of the day.”

I haven’t known her for long but we’ve already had two fights via text over the most silly things ever. And on both counts, she was the one that got upset at me because I’m still living with my family at my age and I put up with my family’s drama despite the fact that we don’t really get along. Apparently, she thinks I should have been out of the house and living alone because of my age. And, on top of that, for anyone that I don’t like, there’s no reason whatsoever to put up with it. And I’m like, “Newsflash, girl!!! When you start working a real job, there are shit you gotta put up with and you can’t talk back lest you want to be fired for insubordination.” Those same rules apply to family too. I put up with family because I have to. They are my only family left, however shitty they may be. Both parents are dead and gone for two decades now. I’ve been orphaned since 8 and they (my half siblings) were the ones who took care of me. But she doesn’t understand that and rightfully so because she lacks life experiences. That’s the only way I could put it. She lacks life experiences and doesn’t understand that there comes a point between two necessary evils, that staying on good terms with one’s family (even if a shitty one) is better than having no family at all. As far as staying at home and sharing the rent and bills with? It just makes sense right now to stay at home and share the bills than to go out and live alone, which I can very well just do without issues, if I really wanted to. I can afford to live alone. That’s not the problem. The problem is that my family has issues paying bills right now and I owe them at least this much to stick around to help pay bills. For them raising me, this is the least I can do for now until I can get myself a better paying job so they won’t have to worry about bills in their old age. Call me old-fashioned but blood is forever.

After having these two fights, I’ve had to rethink what type of “relation” I want with this gal. Right now though, I don’t think we’re anything. I’ve talked with her on the phone a lot and found out that she lives in Florida. I’m in California. She’s literally on the other side of the United States and long-distance relationships never last. Even if it is a simple friendship, I find it hard to keep up to date with her because I got shit I gotta do to get ahead in life. I’m just not in a position to date right now. Before when I was younger and didn’t really have to worry about much, dating was one of my top priorities besides finishing up my college education. Now that I have real responsibilities, dating has taken a backseat. And now that I’ve learned that divorcing a woman can make an indentured servant out of me for free via the legal justice system, dating has really dropped far below than where it stood not too long ago. I was largely unaware of this fact but at the same time, I was also prudish in my dating habits. Very picky about who I get to know and who I open up to. Even now, I’m picky, but I take what I can get during periods of dry spells. Now, let me stop here and say this. I don’t believe in one-night stands. I don’t believe in casual flings. Sex should be done between two individuals that love each other and not just in a fit of passion. I’ve done a lot of other things but not actual “intercourse” with a woman. That’s just my rule and while I realize what a stupid rule that is for me as a man because it doesn’t benefit me at all, I don’t care. That’s just the sort of standard I’ve set for myself and I will not sway just because other men “disapprove”. I just believe in using my “package” in a respectful and ethical manner.

Anyway, that’s all I want to type up tonight. Until next time…

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