I came across yet another gal off of Facebook and this time, it’s in a different debating group, one that deals with Asian American issues with regards to how they are viewed in media (typically in a negative light and often times, not even visible or present–like you’ll see a black guy, a white guy, a hispanic guy on a TV ad but no Asian guy in sight). Anyway, this girl is from NYC, speaks my language–Cantonese–and unlike the last girl from Florida, she is more “agreeable” for lack of a better way of saying it. She just loves to agree with people and at first, it really did seem like she believed in all of the things that I believed in, so far as Asian American issues go.
Fast forward to just a month ago, someone had posted a thread about rape in India and how it’s such a common problem, yada yada yada, right? I can’t remember how exactly it went down but one member agrees and then another disagrees and then she chimes in and says a bunch of personal things about her own experiences with regards to rape. Now, what she said in particular piqued my interest. Namely, she said that she was raped but that she didn’t know she was raped. She was with her significant other at the time and supposedly he engaged with her sexually in the heat of the moment and she complied at that moment in time, only to feel guilt or shame over the deed some few hours later. And she made it a point that she didn’t understand why she felt that guilt or shame. I was curious to know how this happened so instead of asking her in the public forum, I messaged her privately.
Long story short, I got to know how it really happened. And to spare you the details for privacy sake, I’m just going to say that she was just in way over head when it happened and how it led to that point. I would just write it off as naivety, which everyone has experienced at one point in time with regards to anything one has never had experience with previously. After getting to know that story, I began talking to her and trying to get to know her. I shared with her many of my personal life stories with regards to relationships, love, life, etc., and I got to know a few things about her. At first, I was pulled into her because she kept agreeing with everything I’ve said and it “seemed” like she really did understand where I was coming from. This is very intoxicating for me, by the way. I spent a week and a half just talking to her and things seemed well up until the second week and then poof. She disappeared. Stopped talking to me. If she did respond, she’ll take a week or longer to send a short, vague response, unlike her “essay-long dissertations” she used to give me. Then at some point after these short, vague responses, I get the “I’m busy so I can’t talk” message and that was it. I stopped trying to message her. Admittedly, it sucks. I felt like we had a connection going and she just pulled the plug on me.
Granted, it’s only over Facebook Chat, but it felt like she was the “mystical unicorn” of whom I’ve been searching for in a long while. We share the same values and views on a lot of things and especially in relationships. (Or so it seemed. I have no real way to prove it except to take her word for it). The interesting thing is, her actions reminded me of the last girl I was involved with previously. Namely, that her actions were similar to the hot/cold actions I’ve received from the last girl. At the same time, it also reminded me of a married woman that I had a bit of a flirty time with around the same time period. The actions and behaviors seemed a lot like those folks afflicted with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). And at that point, it hit me. There were definitely a lot of signs but I was too caught up “in the connection” or what seemed like a connection. It definitely felt real and it definitely felt like she understood since she gave me those essay-long dissertations responses that basically confirmed my thoughts on various subject matters. But alas, I really don’t want to get involved with a person that I suspect has BPD or has BPD-like tendencies. Those never end well as evidenced with the previous gal I was involved with, the married woman, and now that I think about it, one other gal that I was never interested in to begin with but she was friendly towards me, plus another gal that I had briefly dated but stopped for many reasons.
It just makes me think: “What the hell is going on with women these days? All the gals with BPD or displaying BPD-like symptoms are just flocking my way.” Now, all things considered, I like the female attention and I really did enjoy the conversations I’ve had with all these women in the past but these gals are just too much crazy for me to handle. And I don’t like the hot/cold behaviors. It’s just very energy draining to put up with it. And like anything, I’ll play along until I’ve had enough and then I’ll just drop it like it’s hot and never look back. And I have.
Just last night, she messaged me on Facebook to tell me about something that I don’t really care about. It had something to do with her female friend’s relationship with another guy. She had messaged me while I was washing my car at night and I’m just like “Don’t you have female friends to tell this story to?” Now, I didn’t say that to her but I was thinking just that. Since I was busy washing my car, I finished off my rounds before actually messaging back with a response. I didn’t get a response back since and she had already “seen” the message on Facebook. Oh well. Moving on.
In cases like this, I’m just not inclined to bother pursuing any further. I just leave it alone. If she responds, great. If not, whatever. I still got stuff to do or stuff that I’d rather do. When I was younger and less experienced, I would wrack my brain over why she did this or why she said that. Nowadays, not so much, but old habits die hard. I’ll think about it for a day or two and then move on from it because, hey, I got stuff to do, a job to worry about, and just so many responsibilities to attend to. She’s really at the very bottom of my list of “things to do” even if we did have an emotional connection, if only briefly.