Bad Luck With Love

I’ve been pondering a lot about my love life or really, lack of it. I’m not usually the sort that goes out hunting girls to get laid. I’m just not. It’s not my style, it’s not something that really concerns me, but if it happens, it happens, ya know? That must be strange coming from a guy and especially so from a guy at my age (31). (I actually just turned 31 this past March too.) Now, before when I was a bit younger and before I came across MGTOW, I used to be all about finding the right girl for me. And I guess I still am. It’s only fairly recent that I came across MGTOW and only fairly recently that I started taking married folk’s advice more seriously when I came upon an incident that jogged my senses. And that incident was the same incident that occurred about a year ago with a gal I had a romantic interest in. It wasn’t so much “during the time” as it was “after” she said that she saw me as a brother. After she had said that she saw me as a brother, we both agreed to remain friends but she was no longer a top priority in my life and that really upset her, “apparently.” She made a furious effort one day about a month after-the-fact to get my attention when she had plenty of other guys to get attention from her. All her orbiters that surrounded her that night, that is. But she wanted my attention and my attention only. I didn’t tell it to her at that precise moment in time but in a private message on Facebook, I told her that I thought we were “just friends now” and I threw in some sarcasm in there to keep the message “light” but she didn’t like that and blocked me shortly after. Well, that’s not the whole story, actually, but rather the gist of it. What actually happened was that she was taking out her anger on me over her past relationship that failed. (The sarcasm “bit” was aimed towards the relationship ending. Ill humor, perhaps, but I thought she had a sense of humor and could take it). Anyway, I hadn’t known about this relationship had just failed fairly recently but I knew she was in a relationship at the time. And I had spent the better part of a year getting to know her just as friends. It was when I had a burning desire to know that if she had not been a relationship, would she be interested in me? In hindsight, probably too much too soon but there was no way for me to have known that the relationship was on its way out by the time I asked the question.

(Continued [4/7/15]): Anyway, going back to me finding MGTOW. It was actually quite by accident. I had had enough of women after that girl. The drama that ensued shortly after I left “the crime scene” so to speak was not my fault. I told her what I felt, I told her honestly, and I told her why I did what I did. That’s what adults do, after all. But in the dating world, I guess the “adult rules of effective communications” don’t apply. But I’d rather attribute that to a lack of maturity on her part rather than lack of effective communication, even if that’s part of the equation.

(Continued [4/8/15]): So MGTOW. Yes, MGTOW. After the above fiasco and the drama that ensued shortly after, I just stopped dating women for about a year. And this thought came to mind: “Why date women these days when the rules have changed?” It’s practically impossible to court them, to romance them, and what have you. I mean, this isn’t really so much a complaint as it is a confusion. The dawn of the hookup culture and feminism becoming mainstream due to the digital age just made dating for regulars Joes and Janes that much more complicated. Dating was already pretty complicated without the introduction of either culture or ideologue into the mix. Some people would point out that this is because I “lack game” or some such BS. It’s not “game” that is the problem. It’s the clear cut boundaries that used to be there but aren’t any longer because of changing gender dynamics and lack of incentive for long-term relationships. And when I came across MGTOW, its philosophy sounds a lot like what I have been thinking about the past year. But I am by no means a MGTOW follower. I’m pretty skeptical of any movement. The information I’ve found about them and the forums I’ve been on has a wealth of information that seems interesting and “affirming” but at the same time, it’s as if they are stuck in a perpetual state of anger towards women. (Not without cause, by the way, but at the same time, it’s not like “Dude, how long are you gonna stay mad, man?)

(Continued [4/14/15]): I do find a lot of MGTOW philosophy jiving with my experience with women. It’s interesting and “affirming” for lack of a better word. I mean, I’ve always approached dating from an ethical standpoint and I’ve always followed rules that are unspoken but are inherently in place. And I think I do have “game” but only with certain women that I get along with. I’m not terribly interested in “getting laid” although that is definitely icing on the top, if the relationship ever progressed to that point where sex would be appropriate. I think that “quality” is rare amongst men. That is, not wanting to get laid within the first 3 dates. Well, at least I think so. But I am a guy and I do have lustful thoughts, yes. That will never change amongst men. Basically, if I was interested, first I’d figure out with a few probing questions if she’d be someone I could potentially get along with as friends. In my view, if we can’t get along as friends, there’s no future in a relationship ever surviving beyond a point. It’ll be, inevitably, short-lived, which is not a bad thing in itself but it wouldn’t serve my goal of fostering an LTR, now would it?

For the time being though, I’m still researching on MGTOW philosophy so dating will have to sit on the back burner for a bit longer. I’ll get back into dating once I’ve thoroughly stewed in it long enough to absorb what’s useful.

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