Qualities in a Woman – The Good and The Bad

In the last entry, I was talking about how I’ve been doing some research on the following disorders: HPD, BPD, and other types of personality disorders and how I tend to be attracted to certain types of woman with said traits. So far, I’ve talked about Joanne, Lauren, and now the NY Gal. NY Gal, by the way, does have a name. Her name is Samantha. She’s Chinese like me and with the added bonus that she speaks Cantonese and is originally from Hong Kong. These two facts about her already makes her an attractive candidate for having romantic relations with but as far as compatibility goes, I didn’t know at the time. Looks-wise, she was nothing special. Pretty average all around. So, for me, it was just a matter of figuring out what her personality was like and seeing how it jives with mine. Now, when I say all of this, I realize that I make it sound like I had planned all along that I wanted romantic relations with this person to start with. No. I did not. For me, there has to be some redeeming qualities about a woman that makes me want to stick it out. She had some of them, but she also had some other personal qualities that were problematic, just like Joanne, now that I think about it. I’m not saying she has to be perfect, mind you. No one is perfect. But she has to have just the right set of personal qualities that I like about her and those less-than-ideal qualities that I know that I can handle. She must have both before I would want to commit to something more long-term, not necessarily marriage, per se, but when the time and moment arrives, and marriage seems like the next logical step in our commitment to each other, then yes, by all means, we should get married.

And often times, what those personal qualities are will be different for every man. Me personally? She must share my values: honesty, integrity, caring, friendly, trustworthy, loyal, dedicated, sense of humor, and the ability to remain objective in emotionally charged situations. This last quality, I realize, may be asking a bit much out of a woman but if she met at least half of the other qualities, I’ll work with that. The important thing in all of this is her willingness to “work things out”. But if not? Things will fall apart. It just will. It takes two to tango, after all. All things considered, I really don’t think I’m asking for much out of a woman. She doesn’t need to have a job, or a house, or be “independent”, or any of the other material aspects fulfilled. As long as we get along or somehow work out the kinks in the relationship, I’ll work with that.

And for every “good quality” in a woman, there is an equal and opposite “bad quality” associated with it. That’s a given. If one is honest, invariably, sometimes that honesty can be insensitive. If one is loyal, invariably, sometimes that means that one can be stubborn and unwilling to change one’s mind when a decision has been made. If one is caring, invariably, sometimes that person can be smothering. That’s just how it goes. Now, if she had other qualities that were less-than-ideal, they too, will have their good and bad sides. Samantha tends to get bored easily and seeks out action. On the good end, she’s exciting and fun and always has something entertaining to talk about. On the other end, if you wanted more stability, then the drama associated with that quality about her may be quite unnerving. Well, at least I found it unnerving. But, nothing that I cannot handle. It just gets particularly troubling when she would seek out action and unintentionally gain the intention of a few thirsty men while she was doing things to entertain herself. I can’t imagine being with a woman “long-term” if she’s that bored and would seek out action in literally any avenue to get action. That would be a major source of tension for me, personally.

Anyway, I have to stop here because I got work in just a couple minutes. Until next time!

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