Access over 4 million eBooks and carry your entire library on a Kobo eReader or our free app. Shop Now!So I’ve been going to this local taco joint nearby my workplace in the city of Walnut for the past, I don’t know, four years because it’s close, it’s fairly cheap, and the food is pretty good. Not quite like the East LA taco joints but close enough given that the area is leaning on the affluent side. And there’s this Mexican gal who has a pretty face but her body is chunky. She’s not fat, per se, just a little more fat around pretty much everywhere but her face. Anyway, I’ve never really found that body type, that BBW body type, very attractive, unless of course, it was a big ass with big tits, because, well, what guy doesn’t like big ass and big tits? She’s more of an average ass with small tits and then extra padding everywhere else, which is, admittedly, not as appealing. Nevertheless, this is a gal that I see on a regular basis. Now, I don’t know her. I’ve never formally introduced myself to her and vice versa. She’s just the waitress/cashier that works there. And she’s always been quite nice to me, for the most part, despite the fact that it’s also her job. One time, I complimented her on her shirt because I found that it pleasantly suited her and her figure. I did not mean for her to take it as a sexual come-on. Since then, and this was a long, long while back, by the way, she had gone out of her way to make my Veggie Burritos nice and big and loaded with beans and veggies. Fast forward about a year and a half later, I see that her interest as waned for whatever reason. Maybe she met a guy along the way. Or maybe she thought it weird that I hadn’t approached her yet or asked her out yet. Actually, let me take that back. I did try to ask her out once although rather subtly. One time, I had asked her if she had any plans over the weekend and she said work. And then I asked her if she was doing anything after work. And she said that she had another job to go to after that job. And that was the end of it. I took that to mean that she wasn’t interested. Since then, she had continued to make my Veggie Burritos all full and loaded.
And as of just this past week, I noticed that she stopped making my burritos like she used to. Actually, let me take that back. it’s probably been that way since a couple of months ago. And I’m not sure what changed exactly but at the time, I had gotten involved with that NY gal, Samantha, and I had stopped paying attention to the Mexican gal as much. I used to ask her how her day was and just do the small talk thing while at the registers because their credit card processor takes forever to process and print out that slip of paper for customers to sign.
There was a time when I had saw her consistently at the registers and I had thought, “Well, why not just ask her out again?” Like really ask her out but I had a bunch of reasons for not wanting to ask her out. Rejection being the main one while the others were just matters of inconvenience and moral principle. I think I may have mentioned this before but I don’t generally date outside my own race. And that’s not so much that I don’t agree with interracial dating–I don’t really care–but more so that I don’t find any other racial group attractive. On the rare occasion when I do come upon someone that’s not Chinese, and I find her attractive, then I’ll give it a roll of the dice to see where it goes. But from past experience, they never actually work out because of cultural differences or personality differences. Usually, it’s something that’s so far out of what I’m comfortable with that I know it won’t work out in the long-term unless I give up some of my cherished beliefs and that’s simply not something that I’m willing to do, especially if it’s going to compromise my moral integrity. I’ll bend my personality here and there to make a relationship work, up to a point, but when it comes down to me putting in more than what I’m getting out of it, that’s when I know it’s an unbalanced relationship. Once I realize that it’s unbalanced, it’s already over. There’s no saving it. There’s nothing more that I can say or do that will change the trajectory of the relationship.
And on that note, the person ending the relationship? It tended to be the other party in my case, at least. Like the black girl that I knew from my previous job, I took her out a few times and the date was pretty ordinary. Nothing that created that special feeling like butterflies in our stomachs. I suppose that she found that boring and just cut me loose at some point because one day her phone was still working and the next day? Poof! Gone. But I got the hint. It doesn’t get more clear than that plus her Facebook account mysteriously disappearing.
Going back to the Mexican gal, there was a time that I had mustered up enough courage to come right out and say it but by that time, for whatever reason, her work schedule had changed and that was the end of it. I haven’t seen her since. By the time her work schedule changed back to the Tuesdays and Thursday afternoon, whatever courage I had built up to ask her out had already left me. Now, I’m just in that state of “Should I even bother at this point?” See, I’m not looking for sex or even a sexual encounter. Maybe later when it’s appropriate but at the get go? No. Not my cup of tea and certainly not my trademark dating style. Most other men would say to my face that I’m a fool for not wanting free sex, if offered, but I don’t believe in meaningless sex. But hey, if it works for you, I’m not saying you shouldn’t. I’m just saying that it doesn’t work for me.
Sometimes, I wish I could just have meaningless sex. There are moments where I know that my dick should just get rock hard instantly because she’s easily at least an 8 out of a scale of 10 but nope. I might be thinking “Damn, she’s hot” but my body won’t respond. Well, not that it won’t respond but more like, I need more ‘mental’ stimulation to really get into it and to really want her. She has to be smart. An intellectual who can hold her own without resorting to petty bickering and sarcasm to “win”. It is so very rare to find a woman of this caliber. These women turn me on so much. To date, I’ve only known three women that are like this. The first one being my first ex, the second being a married woman to a mutual friend of mine, and another married woman at one of my previous jobs. These are some really bright women. They can argue without resorting to underhanded methods to win because they know it’s not about winning. It’s about the truth. It’s about learning. It’s about seeing things from other people’s perspectives. And I really enjoyed the mental sparring matches that I had with these women. These are women that I wanted. Not those “Oh, she’s got a nice ass. I wouldn’t mind banging her for a night or two.” I mean like, I craved for these women. That kind of stimulation is hard to forget. For me, I need that kind of stimulation, as weird as that sounds, coming from a guy, before I would have sex with a woman with no strings attached.