When it comes to dating, I’m fairly picky with whom I associate with. I mentioned in a previous entry that I have pretty high standards but I don’t think that those standards are stuff that are beyond unreasonable, you know what I mean? They’re basic human qualities: Honesty, considerateness, thoughtfulness, respectful, loyal, trustworthy, affectionate, supportive, kind, and nice. And someone that I can get along with. Fairly straightforward so far right? It’d be ideal, if the gal I’m dating is slim or slender, is Chinese, can speak Cantonese, of the same or similar cultural background, and have similar experiences growing up as a Chinese American. She doesn’t even have to be born here. Just as long as she shares both the American and Chinese culture and can balance the two, that would be fantastic. And it would most ideal if we shared the same hobbies and interests and she can be my buddy that I would hang out with a lot, you know what I mean?
But alas, I’ve been single for so long now since my last long-term relationship that I’ve gotten really used to being alone. Now, I’ve had a few dates in between that last major relationship and now and they were all women much younger than me. “Date” isn’t even a word that I would use in these cases. It’s more like, I happened to have met them through mutual friends and I happened to have spent a lot of time getting to know them, not necessarily individually, but rather in group outings. So for all intents and purposes, in reality, they were just friends even though I don’t believe that men and women can be strictly platonic friends. They all started out that way though.
Nevertheless, I’d never thought that I would get along with women much younger than me but I guess with a little practice, like anything else, it’s possible but good god, it’s really tiring putting up that front. Well, maybe not a front, but more like that side of me, that “kid” side of me, out in the front all the time. It’s tiring. Sometimes, I want to be more serious and get into the nitty gritty, you know what I mean? Anyway, I don’t think I can do that anymore though. Spend time with women that are much younger than me. The maturity thing hit me in the face after the Joanne fiasco. I mean, I had a pretty good idea (conceptually) that it (this friendship/relationship) wouldn’t work out in the long-term but experientially, I didn’t know with absolute certainty since I’ve never had an experience of it yet. And this is something that I’ve learned from my last major relationship. This gal told me this really simple but profound piece of wisdom “You won’t know for sure unless you try”. Basically, the idea is that you can have all the theories in your head of what will likely go down, and maybe you’ve heard countless stories from friends and families that confirms those theories but you yourself have never gone and done it yet. Hence, you won’t know unless you try. And that’s basically what I did with Joanne. Right at the get go, I knew she was much too young for me, but I just thought about what my second ex told me and I decided, “Well, why not? I won’t know unless I try.” Worst scenario, the friendship fizzles and I lose out on a friend. And that’s exactly happened except she went batshit crazy and turned all my mutual friends against me. That was rather unexpected. I didn’t see that one coming but I should have given that the age range of those mutual friends were closer to her than they were closer to me.
Anyway, I’m just at that point in my life where if I came across an eligible woman in my age range she tended to want a man who earns way~~~ more than she does and would not settle for a good natured man who earns less. It’s like “Sorry, I don’t make six figures or own a couple of properties like you do. But I got a whole host of other qualities that I know will make this relationship work, if you gave me a chance”. Alas, however, this world isn’t perfect and women don’t want that. Oh well. Their loss. At least, that’s how I see it.
I do grow weary of finding a long-term partner though. I’ve been single for so long that incessantly putting myself out there and talking women up is just too much trouble. Time consuming, mostly. But it also puts a major dent in my wallet. Again, I’m not rich–yet. But when I do make it to the point where I’m comfortable financially, I also don’t want a woman to want me for my money, you know what I mean? Gold diggers. I’ve already met a handful of women at bars who are gold diggers and they weren’t shy about it. These women, I would just talk to at the bar but I would never get their numbers or bother taking them out to do stuff together. Nope. But yes, if you were curious, I do talk to women and I can relate to women. That’s not the problem I’m having. It’s just that women in my age range want men who earn a paycheck that’s just an insanely huge amount before they would even give me the time of day to date them. And it’s to the point that it’s like “Wow…okay.” It’s that feeling that I feel as a man that I’m not living up to the financial expectations of women in my age range. Honestly, I earn enough to support the kind of lifestyle that is mostly drama free and that I can live with. It’s enough for me. And for the most part, I’m content with where I’m at financially but more is always welcome. I’m always working on things that help me reach my financial goals. I’m just not frickin’ multi millionaire rich right now. That’s all.
So I don’t know. Sometimes, I feel like just taking myself out of the dating market and staying single permanently, at least for the next few years until I get my career going. I mean, what I do right now as a profession, operations manager, it’s ok. I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it either. Good money for what it is but I’d rather write for a living. That’s my passion but it’s really an unstable form of income, which why I have this day job. Anyway, back to my original thought. Other times, I feel like I want to keep trying to find me that unicorn. That ever elusive unicorn.