Yesterday, I had gotten back to that NY Gal’s (Samantha) Facebook message about why she started liking a string of my older posts on various threads from last year in the Asian American activist group. In my last entry, she said that it was for a school project and needed info for it and that’s why she “liked” those posts. This time, she insisted that it was always her trademark to start liking super old posts from a year ago and that “all her friends” know this about her. Then she accused me of not knowing her as well as I thought I did. And I said to her that she was right. I don’t really know her. Ten months of talking on Facebook on again and off again every other week or every third week is hardly enough time to really know somebody on an intimate level. Then there was that nearly two months of complete silence where I cut her off and stayed no contact with her except for that one slip up where i did briefly talked with her via PM on Facebook. This past week would have been the full two month mark had she not “out of the blue” started liking a string of my older posts from last year in an attempt to get my attention.
So first, she said it was for a school project. Then she said that this has always been her trademark. And now, she’s claiming that she was actually looking for old threads in order to post a new thread and simply didn’t want a duplicate thread in the group. Right. How convenient. Prior to this, she never gave a damn if there were duplicate threads that others have shared already. Why give a damn now? Why go back a whole year to find out if something has already been posted? If it’s been a whole year, I think most people would have forgotten it by now and suffice it to say, I think it would be safe to re-post it. With every new explanation she handed out, she just dug herself her a bigger grave to lay on her own bed of lies. I wasn’t sure what she was expecting by offering alternate explanations to what she was doing because with every attempt, it just made it all that more crystal clear that she was just doing it for the attention. That she just wanted someone to talk to her. What happened to her friends? Her bazillion friends who were always around her? What about her male suitors, friends with benefits, fuck buddies, and her male bestie? What happened to all of them? Surely, any single one of them would have fulfilled that need of hers. What’s so special about my attention?
And my personal guess is that she had unresolved feelings for me and did not know how else to express it except to start liking a string of one-year-old posts in hopes to get my attention. Okay, she got my attention. I asked her what she wanted to talk about. She said nothing. Right. Of course it’s nothing. So then I told her, so you liked my posts because 1) it’s for a school project, 2) it’s always been what you regularly do (find super old posts and start liking them out of the blue after nearly two months of no communication–as if this wasn’t creepy [or unusually odd behavior] in and of itself), and 3) you didn’t want to share a duplicate thread in the group whereas previously, you wouldn’t have batted an eye to re-post an article that’s already been posted. And then I asked her what part of these explanations make sense to her? She responded by saying that i was being annoying now and that she was going to end the conversation since it wasn’t getting anywhere. Well no shit, Sherlock Holmes!!!! First, she acts passive aggressive with her responses then when I pressed her directly, she had nothing to say! It was an unproductive conversation to start with!!! I was nice enough to ask her how she had been these past two months and try to start something on a clean slate despite me breaking this friendship/relationship off in the first place! And I get met with this? Really? Really??? Liking a string of my old posts from a year ago is like calling me and leaving a voicemail six times in a row within the same hour with just her breathing into the microphone for ten seconds at a stretch before the next incoming voicemail. I don’t know about you guys and gals of the WordPress world, but I find that a tad bit on the creepy side, if not unusually odd behavior bordering on being sociopathic in nature.
If she wanted to talk, she could have just messaged me directly. No need to play these mind games. It’s not like I blocked her on Facebook so she could have just messaged me and try to make amends. That’s the adult thing to do. You know, start by saying that things left off on an awkward end and that she knows that I was the one who ended it but that she would really like to be friends again. It’s that simple. Then the ball would be on my court and I get to decide whether I want to start something on a clean slate or call it off once and for all. But no. She chose to approach me in this indirect, passive aggressive manner. So what I ended up doing in response to that is act unlike my usual nice self. I put her back against the corner and did not give her a way out like I did in all of our previous conversations. In short, I acted like an asshole to her just so that she’ll make the decision to block me because clearly, what this is, it’s not going to work, even if it continued well into the future. I purposefully pushed her away. I forced her hand just as she forced my hand when she said that she had no romantic feelings for me. And at the time, I was like “Okay. You feel what you feel and if the feelings aren’t there, then they aren’t there. I’m going to cut you loose and I’m going to move on with my life. I’m going to delete you from Facebook but I won’t block you. We can remain friends, if you want, but I won’t be going out of my way to talk to you ever again.” And that’s what I did. Again, I don’t know how other people define friendship, but it’s not a friendship if only one person will be doing all the work to make a friendship work. It’s not. It’s simply not.
I hate being the asshole but sometimes, it’s just what is necessary to get her to move on with her life. It’s for her own good and that’s as good a friend can ever offer her despite the fact that I already ended the friendship nearly two months ago. This shows that I still care about her and that she will always hold a special place in my heart but doing this whole charade of passive aggressive back and forth is not healthy for either of us. So one of us had to step up (me) and end it once and for all. I’d rather have her hate me for being an asshole to her than for her to continue to stay in contact with me in some bizarre and indirect manner because the latter is not doing her any favors in life. So if she hates me for it and actually goes out of her way to do something productive and positive about that shitty feeling when a relationship dies or fizzles out, it’s all the better for her and for the both of us, ultimately. I really do hope that this conversation we just had will give her the closure she needed to get on with her life. And that’s all I gotta say about that.