It has often times been remarked within the manosphere that the rise and dominance of the Independent Woman in western society is the direct result of feminism becoming mainstream, that this new breed of women has drastically changed the dating game and, by extension, is the primary reason why there is this overall shifting of social and cultural norms. I think that with any kind of change, the intent behind pushing for that change is always good (as in it was meant to be for the betterment of everyone) but there are bound to be collateral damage as a result of those same changes. This is normal. This is what happens whenever a revolution of sorts occur and feminism becoming mainstream and a dominating force in today’s western society is no different. Anyone can simply turn to history and take note of all the revolutions, big or small, that have taken place and see for oneself how true it is. When Martin Luther King Jr was fighting for the civil rights of all blacks in the US, the collateral damage happened to have been the violence incited by white people against blacks (more so than usual) which ultimately triggered a chain of events that eventually led to him being shot to death and the subsequent acquiescence of the federal government finally granting those civil rights. When Mao Zedong rose to power and assumed control of China to get it out of its impoverish agrarian state, he did so with the intent that it will help China rise up to be recognized worldwide as an economic and military superpower and the Cultural Revolution set in motion was intended to do just that. It did China a lot of good in the initial years and helped shoot the country straight up the charts to be recognized worldwide in just under 5-6 years but in the aftermath of it, the collateral damage just happened to have led to the deaths of millions of people as a result of internal corruption further down the down Communist leadership ladder. When Stalin rose to power and assumed control of the Soviet Union, started by Lenin just decades before and for similar reasons and impoverish conditions as China, millions of people died as a result of that. In all of these past cases, the intent was for the betterment of everyone but it just happened to have led to the loss of lives that was the collateral damage as a result of a push for change.
In the case of feminism, however, rather than one’s mortality being put at stake, the collateral damage happens to be the social crippling and demolishing of the delicate balance between how a woman relates to a man and vice versa. Ultimately, this boils down to the overall livelihood of men and women in western society taking a big nosedive (and it continues to dip ever lower every year). In other words, the quality of life (happiness, contentment, value, etc) for the average man and woman is worse off, not better off.
Of course, this rule won’t apply to the upper echelons of society. Namely, the upper middle class and higher or the bottom 10% below the poverty line. The good news is that with every dip, it’ll eventually bottom out and rise back up again. And unfortunately, we haven’t hit that point yet. (And just when you thought that the dating scene in 2015 is pretty bad. It’s not nearly as bad as many blogs, news medias, scientists, and politicians make it out to be but bad nonetheless, compared to the 1960’s, relatively speaking.) And so far, most of the articles that I’ve written about on this subject matter paint a rather bleak picture with respect to the dating scene and ultimately, to anything remotely close to something of a long-term commitment sort of relationship. But maybe, just maybe, I’ve been looking at this all wrong. Maybe, just maybe, each of the respective groups from the manosphere and the feminist camps have been looking at this all wrong as well. And while I empathize with the various groups within the manosphere (MGTOW’s, MRA’s, PUA’s) as well as the feminists (Radical Feminists, Women Against Feminism, plain ol’ feminists), neither side have really offered any good solutions that are a good middle ground between the two extremes. And a clarion call to return to “simpler times” by both sides (the moderate feminists like Women Against Feminism and men who don’t quite exactly agree with the tactics of PUA’s, the philosophy of MGTOW, or the goals of MRA’s) which, while well intentioned, is the wrong approach. Why?
Because the social and cultural changes have been made and because the old laws have been scrapped and new laws have been crafted and enacted in their place to reflect those changes. (Laws like no fault divorce where women can divorce a man for any reason or no reason at all and take half of his assets, force him to pay alimony and child support for the rest of his life with no legal recourse that he can take to appeal it, domestic crimes involving a man and a woman–>the man is always the criminal while the woman is always the victim, also known as, the “guilty until proven innocent” law, healthcare that favors women but offer no such equivalent benefit for men or for that matter, transgender, gays, bisexual’s, etc. Social changes like women having equal access to an education, to voting, to jobs that are traditionally male-dominated, to taxpayer subsidized abortions, to run for office in the city, state, federal government, or presidency for the US, etc. Cultural changes like women are no longer expected to get married young, be the stay-at-home wife/mom, be the primary caretaker of children, be feminine, be monogamous, etc). All these changes? They are here to stay. They are never going away. Ever. And while most of the men in the manosphere (except the PUA’s) and a good chunk of the women in the feminist camps who are now only barely realizing the fallout instigated by Third Wave Feminism (such as the above amended laws and the social and cultural devastation occurring in present times) are apt to believe that this is a bad thing and should be viewed as “upsetting the natural order of things,” it shouldn’t be.
That’s what “Women Against Feminism” as a group are trying to do. That’s what a lot of mini anti-feminist blogs and think tanks have popped up on the internet by the thousands and growing very rapidly, might I add, are trying to do. They are trying to bring the tide back to how it used to be. They want to scale back what Third Wave Feminism has done to just a little before the end of Second Wave Feminism and keep things there but this solution in and of itself isn’t adequate either. Let me explain.
By now, it’s not new news that the independent woman is basically the female equivalent of a typical male “player.” She does what she wants when she wants to and she does it for her own selfish gains to the detriment of anyone and everyone that enters her sphere of influence. Again, I’ve been written a number of articles about why the independent woman has become synonymous with a slut, the feminist movement wreaking havoc on male and female relationships, and the rapid decline (or downfall) of the Nice Guy and the Nice Girl. And all of them, admittedly, do paint a rather bleak scene of the current state of relationships between men and women, and ultimately, with respect to the dating scene. But. (Yes, there’s that “but” you were waiting for). But given the state of things being the way they are right now, not how it was just a few years ago, not a couple of decades ago. Right now. There’s no going back to “chivalry.” There’s no going back to “traditional gender roles” where the man always take the lead in asking a woman out on a date and bears the brunt of the risk of rejection and the monetary risk that spending money on a woman that may ultimately lead nowhere each and every time. There’s no going back to the good ol’ days, depending on what life philosophies you subscribe to or what ethnic group that you identify with as we all know (I hope), different ethnic groups experience these societal phenomenons differently relative to the dominant race, which is White People, in western society. This is the “new normal” and it’s gonna stick around for the next five decades at the least. Given that to be the case, there’s gonna have to be some changes and unfortunately, it will have to take place in the women’s camp. Not the men. Men have gone with the changes since the 1920’s and onward.
And this idea that I have in mind actually stems from a Hong Kong TV drama series made just a couple of years ago called “A Change Of Heart” but this concept is actually an intricate part of the Chinese culture. Here’s how one of the episodes pan out. A male doctor is dating a female cop. The female cop is always calling the shots in the relationship of when and where they can meet, if ever. And if her work pops up, her job takes precedence over the relationship. Always. And here, it needs to be said that in Chinese culture, and hence in dating, one’s duties to their work comes first no matter what. In fact, your family, your friends, and anything else but you comes first. Meaning that your duty to yourself is dead last on your list of priorities, which ultimately boils down to your love life being the last (or one of the last) things you should care about. So basically, you live life in the servitude for others. It may sound a bit demeaning and possibly even downright abusive for most westerners but this is what Chinese culture is all about. Living for the sake of others and setting a good example for your immediate peers, both younger than you and older than you, and future generations. And both sexes in Chinese society (assuming one had a pretty conservative upbringing) are doing this by default (or at least should be doing it). So if both parties are doing it by default, it should, in theory, create balance and harmony.
Westerners are apt to label this as the “Yin and Yang,” which is related but…the Yin and Yang in Chinese culture refer to the more spiritual aspects of Chinese mythology, which also happens to tie in with how one behaves or should behave but it’s not exactly the same thing. In short, it’s complicated, but the idea is that there should be balance in anything that you do or try to do and if something tries to upset it, either one or the other party should adjust to restore balance and harmony and all that jazz. So, in this specific case of the female cop and male doctor, the female cop is overly independent (rivaling independent women in the West, if not, more so) and stubborn and unusually rash in her decision making, so the male doctor, to counteract this, acts more supportive, empathetic, caring, forgiving, etc to balance the relationship out. These are traits that are traditionally, at least in western culture, feminine but in Chinese culture, no such thing exist. Femininity and masculinity in Chinese culture are “fluid” concepts. In other words, sometimes, it is appropriate for a guy to act more supportive, empathetic, and/or caring and other times, it’s more appropriate for a guy to act more aggressive, assertive, and/or direct. So in Chinese culture, the concept of masculinity is not the polar opposite of femininity. It’s gender neutral. Both serve their purposes depending on the circumstances.
And here is what I am proposing to Western women. And you can be of any race, be it Asian, White, Black, Hispanic, or otherwise. Basically, it’s this: Women should take the lead in the dating scene. You know how traditionally when gender roles did exist that men would normally do the asking and planning, and ultimately, paying for dates? This should be the new role for women. *GASP* It must be earth shattering for a lot of Western women to even fathom that such an idea should exist. But no. This is actually the trajectory of the dating scene. The vast majority of good men, aka Nice Guys, who are marriageable–i.e. have well paying jobs, have their own place, a nice car, are emotionally stable, have a social circle and family that they love and get along with, etc, are not really looking to get married, much less, have kids with women when the laws are stacked against them and the social and cultural norms are not conducive to their traditional “acts of chivalry” and courtship methodologies. And as the baby boomer generation slowly dies out, this leaves society with mainly Generation X and the Millenial Generation who will dominate the dating scene, if they haven’t already. So if there are women who want to get married, sitting back and looking pretty won’t do anybody any good. It’s time for women to start stepping up and asking men out, and do the wining and dining and paying of dates as well as risking, planning and picking up of dates as well.