Gender roles are obsolete. Social and cultural norms for both genders have been thrown out the window (at least in the Western Hemisphere). You can thank feminism for that and I mean that in a non-sarcastic manner. Let me explain. I’ve been thinking long and hard about this topic for quite some time now ever since the NY Gal incident. And there were previous incidents in my dating life where I thought “It can’t just be a string of coincidences that I’m meeting all these women who, at first, seemed pretty normal but then months down the line all turn out to be crazy in one aspect or another.”
So this is what I deduced. Either 1) I am the sole reason as to why these women go crazy, meaning the fault is on my end (which, honestly, I’ll humor the possibility) or 2) the fault lies on the other end. In the first instance, this means that I need to figure out what it is that I’m doing that drives these women crazy. Like batshit crazy. But every time I look back on my past actions with these women, there’s not a single point in time at which I stopped being who I am: A Nice Guy. WAIT! Before you click away from this page, humor me for a moment. Whatever you think “Nice Guys” are, throw that definition out the window. By “Nice Guy,” I mean that I am the type of person who is genuinely nice to everyone, cares about the well being of others, even if they are strangers, and am polite and respectful when talking to people that I’ve never met before. Many of you will likely classify me as a typical “White Knight” and hey, unfortunately there’s nothing I can do if you honestly feel that way but if I see someone being bullied and/or harmed, be it man or woman, adult or child, online or offline, I’ll rush in there to help that person out. If the person is homeless and wants food, I’ll buy him or her food. If the person needs help moving something or their car broke down, or something else, I’ll offer to help. That’s just how I am and I am not ashamed of that. That’s how my parents raised me and I trust that my traditional Chinese parents meant well when they taught me those values. Now, over the years, I’ve made some adjustments and have since incorporated some American values into my worldview and personal life philosophy where my traditional upbringing fell short or just didn’t fit that well in the modern day setting. But I never forgot what my parents taught me: balance and harmony are the keys to happy relationships, be it with your significant other, your relatives, or your friends. Compromise where appropriate, stand your ground when needed, and adjust yourself as you go along. (Or something to that effect. They were Chinese proverbs).
Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with any of the things I do for people because it’s human empathy. But admittedly, it does assume some basic things like traditional gender roles, norms, and expectations. It assumes that there is a difference between a man and a woman, not in the Western sense, but in the Chinese sense. For those of you who are not Chinese, it’s hard to explain but for simplicity sake, the gender roles are similar to the West where women are expected to be like, well, women, but with one caveat. When appropriate, the women can also be like men but largely, it’s about balance between a man and a woman. There’s no shame in Chinese culture when women take the lead where appropriate. That’s probably the main difference between western concepts of gender roles and Chinese concepts of gender roles. In western culture, women are shamed if they try to take the lead. Not so much these days, thanks to feminism, which, depending on what worldview you subscribe to can be a boon or a curse.
Anyway, I personally don’t think that practicing human empathy is the reason for driving all of these women batshit crazy. It’s counter intuitive. When you save someone from imminent harm or help a person out in a tough situation, is the natural reaction supposed to be that you beat the shit out of the other person who just helped you? No. (Or at least I hope it’s a “No.”) The natural reaction is a feeling of gratitude that someone cared enough to risk their own life or their own reputation or take time out of their busy lives to help another fellow human being in a dire and/or tough situation. So I’m apt to believe that the fault is not my end for driving these women batshit crazy. I’m apt to believe that the reason is 1) these women were batshit crazy to begin with, or 2) there’s a bigger force in play right now that is influencing a lot of women to do things in the dating scene and relationships that are counter intuitive. In other words, they do things that just flies in the face of common sense. Number one is a real possibility and there are genuinely crazy women out there (just as there are genuinely crazy men out there). BUT! Like personality disorders, I think that they make up a very small minority in the dating pool. I’m leaning more on Number Two, that there is a bigger force in play that is influencing a lot of women to act in ways that are just out of the norm (well, at least the traditional gendered norms). And that bigger force is feminism.
Given that feminism has smashed gender, cultural, and social norms to pieces in the Western Hemisphere and feminism is influencing large swaths of women in society to act counter-intuitively in their personal relationships with other men and women, which, while unfortunate for those who grew up with more traditional values and views of genders, social norms, and things of that nature, I think that despite that being the case, it’s still time for women (and I mean specifically the traditional ones) to embrace feminism to the fullest extent of the movement. And according to feminists, the very fact that you’re a woman makes you a feminist. (Their words, not mine). So all the concepts of chivalry where men take the lead, the asking out and the associated risk of being rejected and humiliated, the paying of dates, doing the courtship dance, and being romantic? That’s out. It’s done. Gone. Ka-put. Finished. And all the concepts of women needing to dress pretty, act feminine, and wait on the man to ask you out? That’s out too. It’s done. Gone. Ka-put. Finished. And all the times where women have often times expressed to men that they should “Man up” or “act like a man” or “act like a gentlemen”? That’s sexist and an attempt to go back to the traditional gender roles, norms, and expectations. That should be frowned upon by men and shunned by all men everywhere. And all the times where men have often times expressed that women aren’t being, well, “women” or “lady-like”? That’s also sexist and an attempt to go back to the traditional gender roles, norms, and expectations. That should also be frowned upon by women and shunned by all women everywhere.
As you can see, the whole point of feminism is “leveling the playing field” in all facets of life for both genders where neither gender has the upper hand in any instance or arena. Everyone is equal. This is truly an ambitious ideal, if you think about it. This means that you, (either the man or the woman), are free to choose to do whatever it is that makes you happy without the traditional gender roles, norms, and expectations weighing you down, hindering you, and/or posing an obstacle in your life. You are literally free of anything that anyone can ever say to you and/or expect of you that you ought to be because any instance where there is an “ought,” it’s automatically, by de-facto, an attempt to enforce some variation of the traditional gender roles, norms, and expectations. And along with it, the moral and/or immoral implications that come with those traditional gender roles, norms, and expectations. Meaning, things like what’s considered right or wrong between a man and a woman. However, as an unfortunate side effect of “leveling the playing field,” this also means that there is no room for human empathy. At all. And this should not be surprising to anyone who claims to be a feminist or are feminist leaning without actually labeling themselves to be anything. Why? Because human empathy is based on the traditional concepts of gender roles, norms, and expectations. So things like “a man should never hit a woman,” that’s a gender role, which falls under a certain set of social norms that is expected of you at the societal level. This also includes things like “a man should never hit another man when he’s down” or “a man should never hit a woman” or “a man should protect the weak, the feeble-minded, and the disabled” because that’s all gender roles right there. Now, I’ve been using men as examples here but it also includes women as well. If you’re a woman and have had a pretty conservative and/or traditional bringing, I’m sure that you know exactly what roles you must play so I won’t go into detail about what those roles are here. But whatever they are? You shouldn’t be following them. That’s what feminism is about and that’s ultimately what being a feminist means.
So coming back full round to the dating scene. Women, you need to start asking men out, making the first move and risking rejection and humiliation, the paying of dates, romancing, and everything else. Why? Because the traditional gender roles are out. Done. Gone. Ka-put. Finished. There’s no longer a red label that says that you can’t do any of those things because that’s not lady-like, or because that’s “too forward” or coming off as “too desperate.” There’s no such thing as being too forward or being too desperate, or not lady-like in the feminist dating scene. Because those ideas too are based on the traditional gender roles, norms, and expectations. If you want to date that man, go for it. If you want to have sex with multiple partners, go for it. If you want to screw that man out of his savings, pensions, and salary by pretending to play the damsel in distress but not actually believe in it, go for it. If you want to break up another family and ruin those children’s lives forever who would likely become sociopaths in their adult lives later on by having an affair with a married man, go for it. There are literally no boundaries when it comes to the feminist dating scene.
With that said, this should also mean that men and women’s magazines (and dating blogs, dating coaches, and/or relationship experts) that write about some key tips on attracting a man (or woman) or keeping a man (or woman)? Or they write about how to make a great relationship with a man (or woman)? Or they write about how to show him (or her) that you care? Those need to stop too. There’s no such thing as a great relationship. It’s just a relationship that works or it doesn’t. There’s no such thing as “the right way” of attracting (or keeping) a man or woman, or showing care to one another. There is either attraction or there isn’t. And the person either appreciates what you do for him or her or they don’t. In this sense, the feminist dating scene is a lot more simpler. Dummy-proof, even. You can go through multiple partners in a very short time span in the feminist dating scene because of the cut-and-dry nature of a social construct-free world. This also goes double for those men and women who write rants about the opposite gender being one way or another in the dating scene or in a relationship, which can be found in abundance at Thought Catalog and Elite Daily. Those also need to stop too. There shouldn’t be any complaints about the opposite gender being one way or another because every single one of those articles assume that the traditional gender roles, norms, and expectations are still in effect, but they’re not. He’s not being an asshole because there are no gender roles anymore. She’s not being a slut because there are no gender roles anymore. He’s not being a pussy because there are no gender roles anymore. She’s not being a bitch because there are no gender roles anymore. (*Fun fact*: And for all of you philosophy buffs out there, if all of this sounds a lot like nihilistic hedonism to you, you’re right. It is.)
All of this may seem very scary for the conservative minded or the traditionally raised person who are both used to the traditional gender roles, norms and expectations, be it man or woman. But it shouldn’t be. It should be very freeing. And you should embrace it. Why? Because it’s already here. It’s already a reality. And it’s here to stay. There is no going back on this. Feminism has already scrapped and re-written most of the laws in the Western Hemisphere when it comes to rape charges, to the divorce courts, to just about anything that involves a man and a woman. At the end of the day, I’m just saying “it is what it is” so you might as well as accept it, embrace it, and get on with your life knowing that this is the new reality of the state of things.