Women Who Apologize To Nice Guys (AKA, “The Gentlemen”)

What strikes me as one of the most offensive things a woman can do is when they start apologizing for all the wrongdoings that other women have done, including said author, who writes articles like this one by Ana Linden and this one on Elite Daily and then posts them on the World Wide Web for everyone to see.

Now admittedly, at the time of the Elite Daily article, I hadn’t fully known the things I know now. That is, the divorce laws, how the criminal justice system is skewed in favor of women when a civil, family, or otherwise “domestic” case pops up in the court of law involving a man and a woman, how the question of someone’s kid being born that isn’t yours is handled but since you’ve spending time with the kid since day one, for X amount of months, the law says that you’re legally the father and hence must pay child support, and all that jazz regarding the legalities of them. Knowing all of that really changes my perspective on how I should manage relationships with women and ultimately, whether or not marriage is a viable option for me. Unlike most men who have far worst experiences with women and arrived to some such conclusion through their harsh experiences, I didn’t come from that kind of background. Sure, I had my share of crazy women in my life, if only briefly, but those bad experiences never made me think “all women are evil, scheming sacks of shit” or some such nonsense. Most of the time, I can detect bullshit when I see it. And most of the time, I can see women for what they are and who they are. However, every once in a while, it does catch me off guard when you’re having fun with said individuals. This is bound to happen and is to be expected, even if one is armed with all of the knowledge of the world. And this is something that I accept so I don’t beat myself up over it when it does happen. I just scratch it off as my “luck of the draw” that just happens to be a bad one and move on. But unlike most men, I spend a great deal of time rehashing those experiences in my head trying to find out what went wrong so I don’t repeat the same mistakes again and then modify my behavior accordingly.

Now going back to the above articles by Ana Linden and the author who penned that piece on Elite Daily, armed with this new knowledge, it definitely changes quite a number of things. If these things are real, meaning, the laws, and favoritism afford to the “fairer sex” in the criminal justice system, it certainly puts a lot of weight in choosing the right partner to be with, if at all. Let’s think about this. One wrong move and the man in the relationship will be out of half of his assets, right then and there, plus alimony for pretty much the rest of his life (so as long as his ex-wife continues to keep a job that pays lower than his present salary or chooses NOT to get a job indefinitely). And if the man had a child, then that man will owe child support until the kid is an adult. That’s a whole 18 years worth of payments. Holy shit! And if you’ve done any kind of reading with respect to the costs of raising a single child to adulthood, it’s pretty much at least a 1/4 million dollars ($250,000), if not more, depending on what you want for your child. In all likelihood, the cost of raising a child is realistically closer to a million dollars ($1,000,000) because, well, what parent wouldn’t want their child to get the best damn education that they can afford or what parent wouldn’t want the best that they can give to their child? Wow. That’s a lot of money that a man could have potentially saved in 18 years. That might not sound a lot but it’s enough to live pretty alright life in one’s retirement, if one chooses to live fairly frugally.

Going back to what Ana Linden and that author of the Elite Daily article said, it does make me think twice at what they are actually saying. Rather than a genuine, heart felt apology to all the nice guys in their lives that actually helped them be the best person they can be, they are actually making excuses for their piss poor choices in life and are now “ready” to have a steady, mature relationship with a nice guy. You know what I say to these women? No thanks. I’m good. Why? Because if it took them a lifetime to realize what shitty guys that they went through while stringing along all the nice guys to bitch and moan and cry and whine to the entire time? It’s gonna take them another lifetime for them to realize how to treat the nice guy correctly and in a way that makes him feel valued and wanted. In other words, they get out what they put in. Think about this for a moment. All those years toiling for the jerk, the asshole, the player, all they know, breathe, and live for is how to please those types of men. They don’t know jack shit about how to treat a nice guy. None. Zero. Zilch. Do they just suddenly realize the error of their ways and miraculously know how to treat a nice guy? No. This is looney talk right here. People don’t change overnight. And it’s gonna take them several nice guys before they figure out the right formula for treating these types of men in the manner that makes those men feel appreciated and wanted and valued. That means more collateral damage. So for all the nice guys (if there are any left these days), don’t fall for this trap. Yes, this is a trap. And an especially insidious one at that.

The way I see it, if they didn’t realize or see you, the man, for what a good guy that you are the first time around (as in, you gave it some time to allow the relationship to grow and evolve as well as go through a few speed bumps and obstacles down the road), they’re never going to realize it. Ever. (Even if let’s just say that they do, by happen stance, realize it, it’s not a ‘real’ realization. It’s just them realizing that they could lose a whole lot more if this “not-a-relationship” relationship fizzles when the jerk, the asshole, the player inevitably leaves them down the road–and make no mistake, it will happen). And as nice guys, you’re doing yourself a BIG favor by not getting involved with these women for anything other than a physical relationship. Or, if you prefer to see it in another way, a more negative way, you can think of it as “pay back” for all the bad men that they consciously chose to be with. That they now “suddenly” want a steady and mature relationship with a nice guy, basically, you’re the martyr taking the fall for all the previous men that have done her wrong for all those many, many years. Now, you’re the guy who is going to be on the receiving of, well, her wrath. And so, I ask, why would you want to be on the receiving end of all of that? The answer is you don’t. Or at least, I hope that you don’t. I certainly wouldn’t want to put myself in that sort of position.

Take, for instance, that Facebook girl I’m currently talking to. I knew from the get go that she is batshit crazy. Literally, the first few messages went something like, “I like you. You are hot. Let’s get married.” What normal person with a healthy self esteem and an understanding of personal intimacy and boundaries starts a conversation like that? Every subsequent message after that revolved around that or some variation of that. If it wasn’t that, it was something about her anorexia and various mental disorders. Again, what normal person would bring this up as a conversation starter? No one except crazy people. Now, she’s not crazy, like clinically insane crazy, but definitely the type of crazy that is self-inflicted and are made through her personal and shitty choices in life. If you read my previous entry on this, I’ve pretty much written her off as the sort of person I would only respond to, if I felt like it. Basically, I would humor her bullshit when I felt like it, and if I didn’t, then I won’t. Simple. And I would advise all the nice guys out there to do the same. If you’re not getting anything out of interacting with said individual, there’s no sense in continuing. But if you like being nice for the sake of being nice, fine. Keep doing that, if you really want to but don’t let her use your kindness for her sole benefit. Don’t let her waste your time for her sole amusement. You got better things to do. We all do.

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