From time to time, I like to reiterate my position with respect to dating and relationships. As you may already know, my stance on it has been to take a very cautious approach to dating and relationships. In other words, to take a rational approach, as opposed to a spur of the moment, throw-caution-to-the-wind approach that many men’s and women’s magazines and dating guru’s would have you believe and follow. Those advices and dating tips offered by those magazines and dating guru’s, by the way? They’re actually pretty solid advice, if traditional gender roles (and by extension, traditional gender expectations) still ruled the dating world in today’s Western society. The fact that they don’t, actually make them really bad advice for the man more so than the woman. And this should be a cause for concern for men. Why? Because feminism stripped away the gender expectations for women, but still kept the old gender expectations for men intact. Like it or not, men, this is the way it’s gonna go. And this is the way it’s going to remain for a very long time (at least the next 50+ years) so for all intents and purposes, basically, this is going to affect all of us who are in our 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s but the hardest hit will come from those who are still in their 20’s and those who have just transitioned or are transitioning into their 30’s. They will feel the biggest brunt of this burden that just got heavier with the feminist revolution. It was already a pretty big burden back when traditional gender roles ruled the dating lands and under that paradigm, you at least got something out of it. A wife that fulfilled some sort of role in the home, raising kids, cooking food, and what have you while you went out made money and supply her the resources needed to maintain a family unit. It was an even, albeit separate, division of labor. There were pro’s and con’s to that relationship dynamic but it was largely balanced for the most part for the greatest amount of people spanning across generations, classes, and cultures. Those days are gone forever, unfortunately. It will never return. Ever. Any attempt by any of the current social movements who are leaning more on the conservative end will likely fail.
However, let me take a moment and say that if you belong to the top 1% or the upper middle class (regardless of race, gender, sexual identity, etc), the effects of the feminist revolution probably haven’t reached your front door steps yet or if it has, your social and economic status, has mostly shielded you from the major waves of the brunt force trauma brought on by the feminist revolution. Alternatively, if you belong to the bottom 1%, meaning your income is at the poverty line or 150% below the poverty line, the same would be true for you as well because at that level, you’re too busy with keeping the lights and gas on, food on the table, and making sure your landlord doesn’t kick you out of the apartment because you’re a few days late with the monthly rent payment. The feminist revolution means nothing to you at either of the utmost highest level or the utmost lowest level. So basically, if your income is at least six-figures, most of what I have been describing with respect to dating and women and feminism, probably won’t apply to you–or at least to the same degree, depth, and lasting after effects that the middle class and lower middle class would feel, which most of America is pretty much made up of anyway. So it is not to you folks that I am directing this entry toward. But if it rings true for your specific situation, I’m glad that you found my blog and I hope you find what I say to be of some practical use to you.
And I bring up class, as in social and economic class, specifically, because I’m drawing these from my personal experience and observations. As the poorer class, we think differently and handle situations in ways that middle class folks don’t and won’t even consider a possibility. Why? Because their standard of living is higher. They don’t have to worry about basic life necessities like rent, food, clothes to wear, a place to sleep, a car to get to work, and things of that nature. They actually have the time to whine and bitch about life sucking because of a lack of material wealth that richer families can afford. Poor folks don’t understand this because that’s life to us. That’s always been how it is. So to us, it’s bewildering. It’s like, “What do you have to complain about? You have everything you can possibly want out of a comfortable life.” Case and point. You might recall an older article that I wrote about with respect to a “Lauren and Joanne,” a long while back. Well, I met them through the arcade community surrounding the City of Industry, Rowland Heights, Hacienda Heights area of Los Angeles County. Specifically, I met them at Round 1, a bowling alley with a fairly large arcade. All those people that hang out there? They belong to the middle class. They all have houses (yes, plural, houses they can live in or go to for the summer or as a get away from the hubbub of city life), they all have new cars, and they all have pretty much the rest of the basic life necessities required to live a comfortable life. And yet these people are some of the most angry, upset, whiny, and entitled groups of people I’ve ever met. Not all of them were like that, mind you, but most of them were. On top of that, these folks that hang out there are some of the dumbest people I’ve ever met. As in, they were lacking common sense. Ok, maybe dumb might be the wrong word to use here. Perhaps naive and innocent would be closer to what I’m thinking about with respect to their stupidity. But enough of that. Point being, they have different worries that they worry about as opposed to what poor people worry about. Totally different. There are a great many things that they take for granted that poor folks don’t because we know a good thing can get taken away or torn down in an instant. Sometimes, it’s our fault. But most of the time, it’s beyond our control because other people action’s and Mother Nature are largely unpredictable.
Going back to taking a rational approach to dating though, now that I’ve established who this article is directed toward, it’s important to note that I’m not saying that men shouldn’t get into relationships, as in, the kind that involves the emotional as well as the physical, which is, I think what relationships (the long-term sorts) should be about (like I said in this article. With respect to that article, I merely meant that when presented in extreme scenarios, the best solution to lessen the likelihood of being a victim of the law is to partake only in short-term sexual relationships with the opposite sex. Admittedly, there’s no perfect solution to the problem of women using the law against a man; only those that will reduce the likelihood of running into it) I am saying, however, that if you do get into one, that you got into one taking the rational approach. That is, knowing all the potential risks and consequences. And that means you should get yourself up to speed with all the domestic laws surrounding marriage, divorce, alimony, child support, and how the justice system actually works, as opposed to the theory behind the criminal justice system. Knowing all of this will help you make key decisions down the road, especially when the gal you’ve been dating for a while (few months to a few years) suddenly turns batshit crazy when you’re not all that keen on “tying the knot” or settling down for whatever your reasons may be. It is in those moments that you are preparing for. Now, will they, in fact, happen? Maybe. Maybe not. But it would be in your best interest to know how it will go down and how the law and the “authorities” will treat you when she’s threatening you with a flower vase and calls the cops after she bashes you in the head with it for refusing to get down on one knee and propose to her. Or, in less extreme circumstances, in a fit of emotional fury, like a temper tantrum, she might just call the cops on you because of your refusal to act on her desires–and it could well be a petty thing at that. These are things that you should know. You might say to yourself, “Oh, my girl isn’t like that. I trust her wholly and completely. She’ll never do something like that.” Stop yourself right there. Saying that it is like presuming you know her every action before they even take place like some sort of clairvoyant or god. And the fact of the matter is that you are neither a clairvoyant or a god. If you know anything about human psychology and human behavior, you should know that human behavior is largely unpredictable. Sure, there are certainly patterns, yes, but patterns are not a guarantee that they will follow through with it consistently: Every. Single. Time. They could well follow through with it most of the time but that all depends on a wide number of factors: what they are feeling at the time, what they hope to gain from said conversation, their problems, their dreams, their fears, their insecurities–all these things plus so, so much more all come into play at the same time. And all those things could just change the outcome of what appears to be a pretty consistent human behavior from your perception.
Again, don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not suggesting all women are evil, conniving, and always scheming for your destruction even after they’ve spent years in a, relatively speaking, happy and balanced relationship with you. I am saying, however, that human actions are unpredictable and it would be in your best interest to be prepared for them, and the way to be prepared for them is to do your due diligence in researching those domestic laws I mentioned above and realizing how the criminal justice system actually works. If love was what the relationship is all about, then I say that she should be A-Okay with having a pre-nuptial and a post-nuptial agreement with a lawyer with respect to your assets and what happens to them, if any, should the marriage fall apart several years down the line for whatever reason.