So yesterday, I had gotten off work (yes, I had to work on Veteran’s Day, FML, right?) and my Jewish buddy texted me and asked if I had to work that day. I said that I did. And he responded with something like “aww…that sucks” and that was the end of it. Then another friend of mine whose nickname is “Silent” texted me that he, the Jewish friend, and another dude that I vaguely remember as having a bad experience hanging out with in the past was going to be at Barbara’s Brewery later that night for some drinks and to chill. Barbara’s Brewery, if you didn’t know, is a bar and grill that’s hidden away within an artist colony in Lincoln Heights. And I didn’t originally know that this bar existed until Cake Girl had mentioned as a suggestion back in the day when my co-workers and I would regularly go out and drink right after work from when I used to work at Borders, Cake Girl being part of the group of co-workers that I used to work with. Originally, I declined. Why? It’s not because I didn’t want to hang out with my Jewish friend or Silent, for that matter, but it was more that I was invited to hang out with my childhood friend and my other high school friend that I reconnected through my childhood friend. And through that connection, let’s call him Professor, I got to meet the Professor’s cousins who are pretty chill people to hang out with.
One person stuck out to me in particular and she is the eldest cousin of the Professor. Now, it’s been a long, long time since I’ve found any particular female interesting and that I’d be open to perhaps dating again–even given all that I’ve read about women with respect to feminism, PUA, the red pill, MGTOW and all that jazz. And I say that because unlike other females I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, this one comes off as a bit of an oddball. And while I don’t normally talk about it on a regular basis, I find the oddballs of society more intriguing to talk to than the normal people. And her younger siblings unanimously agree that their older sister is a bit weird and has very peculiar quirks in her personality that makes her not appear normal for most normal people. She’s also very introverted. This is good. This basically describes me, even though I’ve mastered the art of appearing normal to most people. Only the most sensitive of people can see through the fake face I put out there. In other words, other oddballs of society.
Anyway, getting back to the elder cousin, she strikes me as an interesting person to pursue. It’s one thing to feel attracted based on pure sexual chemistry and it’s quite another when she piques my intellectual side. Very rarely have I encountered a woman that piques my intellectual side. And she may well be one person that I might actually consider pursuing. With caution, of course.
Truth be told, I’m not expecting much. I’m just going to play this by ear and if it happens, great, and if it doesn’t, I guess that’s fine too. But it’s nice to know that she speaks Cantonese and ironically enough, she speaks another language that my first ex spoke. It’s a variation of Cantonese called Taishanese. Oh, the irony. If my next girlfriend happens to be another girl that speaks both, that would be so funny. Why? Because my first girlfriend spoke both and it’s funny to me mainly because I’ve dated mainly Asians who spoke Cantonese but anytime I dated one who doesn’t, things never end all that well. And if I dated a Non-Asian, shit went to hell real fast.
And truth be told, I don’t mind pursuing this girl, despite all that I know about a woman’s nature. It’s going to take some time though. Partly because all of this information I’ve absorbed with respect to feminism, MGTOW, and the red pill, I’m actually still processing it and I still need more time to gauge and/or integrate this into my existing knowledge of the world. (Sounds pretty boring, right?) Welcome to an introvert’s mindset. But getting on with it, since she’s also an introvert and probably leaning more on the introverted end of the spectrum than me, it’s likely gonna take some time to slowly peel off those layers of thick skin, so to speak. (I should know since I’m introverted myself but then again, I’ve adapted to put on my “people face” when I’m in a social setting but go back to what feels most natural when I’m not in the presence of people).
One of the cutest things I like about her so far is when she goes into that analytical mode and starts firing off a bunch of information about whatever it was that we were talking about. Mind you, she wasn’t necessarily addressing me, particularly, as we were in a group setting so she was addressing the entire group about said topic and that topic just happened to have been about Trump winning the election and what people were voting for in which region of California, at what percentage and what have you. While I didn’t catch everything that she said, I got the gist of what she was saying. Basically, the premise was the more affluent cities or areas tended to vote more conservatively (meaning, voting for Trump) while the poorer areas tended to vote more liberally, (meaning, voting for Hillary) although our area in Lincoln Heights, despite having a higher percentage of people voting for Hillary overall, there was a whopping 36% of people that ended up voting for Trump, which seems like such an anomaly when compared to other equally ghetto parts of East Los Angeles like Boyle Heights, El Sereno, and Montecito Heights who all unanimously voted for Hillary by a much larger margin. Then she showed us a picture of a map with the breakdown of which cities in LA and the OC that had higher concentrations of which side people were voting for and were neatly colored in red or blue, with red being more conservative and blue being more liberal. Interesting stuff to sum it up.
Going back to this potential love interest though, in terms of looks, she’s pretty average all around for the most part but there’s something about her that draws me to her. It’s hard to describe but it’s like when you encounter another kindred spirit, you’d just naturally want to be in that person’s presence, I suppose? And mind you, I’ve met quite a handful of oddballs in this society. Some try really hard to appear to be like oddballs but they are really just normal people trying to appear more special than they are. I hate encountering those people and finding out shortly after that “Oh, you’re just a normal person who wants extra attention because you don’t have any redeeming qualities (at least at this stage of your character development in your life) in your personality or talents that you can proudly call your own.” Or I meet the oddballs that are just way, way off the spectrum of what I would consider an oddball. There’s an oddball and then there’s just plain crazy. I’ve met crazy people who try to portray themselves as totally normal and they are not very fun or interesting people to be around. Essentially, they are oddballs taken to the utmost extreme end of the spectrum. She’s more of an oddball that veers a bit off from what most people would consider normal (which is basically like me). In short, she’s just the right type of oddball that I’m looking for.
Just to go on a tangent for a moment, my childhood friend who has spent a considerable amount of time with this group of cousins and the Professor, I’m not entirely sure why all of a sudden, he would be against me chasing her because of personality differences. If he was interested in her, I don’t see why he didn’t try to get with her, you know what I mean? But now that I’ve expressed interest in her, suddenly, he’s now interested in her. Or at least that’s my theory since he seems so protective of her. That “white knight” is manifesting in my childhood friend’s demeanor. It’s like, “Dude, I’ve known you literally most of my life. Why the hell would you think I’m out to ‘hit it and quit it’ all of a sudden?” I know my views about women have evolved but it’s not like I’ve shed my old self and completely obliterated that aspect of myself from my life. It’s still there. I still know right from wrong but I’m just ever more discerning about where to draw that line. That’s what happens when you come upon new information that doesn’t quite fit your existing knowledge of the world. You find some way to integrate it because despite the fact that it contradicts what you’ve previously believed all of your life as being true about women, when new information falls on your lap and this happens often enough that it’s not just some isolated phenomenon, you’re supposed to take that in and change the way you think. I don’t like that this new information “happened” to me and it forces me to face the reality as opposed to what I’ve previously cherished and believe all of my life about women but it has to be done for the sake of truth. At least for me. My beliefs has to conform with what I see and experience in the world.
Getting back to the Professor’s cousin that I’m interested in, I want this relationship to develop into something meaningful. I want to be in a long-term relationship with her but I’m aware that at any moment, she can drop ship and be with another man at her own choosing. And while I haven’t entirely reconciled that fact yet, I’m getting there and if this relationship ever blossoms, I have to be ready to accept that despite how loving I can be, despite how faithful I can be, despite doing all the right things by her and to her, she can, on a whim, just drop ship and be with another man. That’s a reality that I have to accept and if and when that happens, I have to be ready to drop her like a hot potato. And that’s about all I want to say on this entry.