What Many Dating Coaches Get Wrong About MGTOW

I’ve been spending a bit of time reading up on what dating sites, that is, dating coaches have been offering up to the general public this past weekend and unsurprisingly, their tips for men and women, (depending on which camp they are catering to), haven’t really changed all that much. The only caveat that they’ve decided to include on their site is that women should avoid MGTOW men (and really, just about any man who has undergone in part or in whole the “Red Pill Transformation”) like the plague. And I suppose, to an extent, for good reason too except that they never really elaborate on it. They just point out in a simple sentence that these men are misogynistic or something along those lines which implies that these are broken men who, like lepers, can never be fully cured of their disease. End of story. No further explanation needed and move on to promoting their latest dating tips to men and women.

Now, I can understand why both types of dating coaches, whether male or female, want to go out of their way to take a dump on MGTOW and Red Pillers alike. It’s mostly because these precise men would not buy their products that is their “dating tips” on how to hook a man or woman up to form a relationship with the opposite sex so as to end up in marriage somewhere further down the line. It’s big business and MGTOW and Red Pill men (and to some extent, women) are people who will never fork out their hard earned cash to buy their dating advice. In many ways, you can begin to see why these dating coaches are not that different from pick-up artists (PUA for short), aka the “seduction community” that some PUA’s have, apparently, adapted to using in place of pick-up artists since nowadays, the word has become synonymous with misogyny in every sense of the word.

Like the pick-up artists, dating coaches are doing the following:

  1. Present a problem. Usually this problem will be something like love and relationships which tend to be sticky subjects with various interpretations.
  2. They offer themselves up as the solution to that problem. That they have the “secrets” to long-lasting love and romance in relationships.
  3. They give you just enough information to get you hooked but then ultimately, if you want the “full answer,” you have to buy their eBook, pay a subscription fee to access that part of their dating blog that offers the solution to all your dating problems, or pay to talk to them, to do these so-called one-on-one ‘private’ sessions.

Most, if not all, dating coaches do this. Whether it’s Evan Marc Katz, this random dating blog site, or well known authors like Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote “Eat. Pray. Love.”(Neat Fact: Eat. Pray. Love. author had a divorce with her husband of 9 years, and I quote, “the separation was mutually agreed upon” which I find highly suspect. One would think that after writing such a book that suggests that if you just go do your own thing and find yourself, you’ll find love and live happily ever after but this was not true even for the very author who promoted this in her book.) Anyway, both the dating coaches and the pick-up artists alike insist on the idea that being alone is bad or leads to depression and that being in a relationship is good or healthy. Then they pull up some study done by some no named university out in the middle of nowhere to support their claim. The truth of the matter is that if you look hard enough, there’s always going to be some kind of study out there somewhere in the world that proves just about anything, good or bad. For example. It’s universally known that eating red meat is linked to increase rates of getting cancer and heart disease. But on the flip side, red meat also happens to have all of the necessary nutrients and amino acids that you cannot find from plant only diets. And yes, there are also studies that shows that eating more red meat will lead to a healthier life as well. But the key thing to note in all of these studies is that too much of red meat increases the rate of getting cancer and heart disease. Bottom line: Everything in moderation.

Given that, why can’t we apply this rule to dating as well? Dating coaches and pick-up artists are inclined to say “Oh those MGTOW/Red Pill men, they are the problem to this equation. These men are selfish, narcissistic, and are unwilling to “man up.” But if you buy my product, says the dating coach or pick-up artist, it’ll fix everything that is wrong in your love life (or single life),” which is blatantly false. To me, there’s nothing wrong with being selfish and narcissistic. Everyone is selfish and narcissistic on some level. Again, the key thing is don’t do it too much or else you become that asshole or that bitter person that no one wants to be around. And by the way, being bitter is a very normal and natural reaction to an injustice that was dealt upon you by someone else. Nothing wrong with being bitter. Holding onto that bitterness and reliving it everyday is. Once again, too much bitterness leads to cynicism and an overall negative outlook in life, which is bad, no matter what it was or who it was that inflicted that pain onto you. Everyone will process that bitterness phase differently so each person will get over that bitterness phase at different points in time. Just let it take its course and know that it will be over with time–just like, incidentally, grieving over a death of a loved one (as strange as that sounds).

In addition, dating coaches like that random dating blog I linked above, insist that the problem is also that these same MGTOW men and Red Pillers aren’t investing their time and money into relationships and chasing women like this is the end all be all of what life is all about. This narrative that this dating coach like many others out there is spinning is just a clever way to brainwash the reader into thinking that all is not lost with respect to the dating scene and once again, redirects your attention to them as the source for all your love and dating problems to be resolved. It’s pretty disingenuous, if you ask me. The bottom line you get out of these dating coaches is that a man’s life isn’t complete until he gets with a woman and provides for her in every way, financially, emotionally, and sexually. And when you think about it in those terms, you may begin to realize that this is just a very subtle form of shaming a man into a relationship, which itself, is the same type of manipulation that narcissists cast on their victims.

Moving on. Now, I don’t self-identify as a MGTOW myself, but I can see and relate to why and how many men have chosen such a life philosophy. There are important lessons to be learned from them and I, as one man, would encourage any other man, young or old, to take from them what is useful. Once again, I’m not an expert in the MGTOW philosophy but from what I’ve gathered through my own research, their philosophy isn’t about fucking women over. That’s what the pick-up artists and seduction community promote and encourage. MGTOW philosophy, to me, seems to be about taking back control of what cultural, social, and media brainwashing has wreak havoc on many men’s lives. More importantly, it’s about not following any one set life philosophy or life philosophies. It’s about adapting to the ever changing realities in dating, at work, or with oneself. If that means that less men are chasing women, I don’t see why that’s a bad thing in and of itself. Sucks for women who are still “plugged into the Matrix,” so to speak, but why is this a problem that the man has to step up and fix? Men are natural problem solvers, sure, but that doesn’t mean that a man’s life is expendable or is only useful if he sacrifices himself for the good of the many. That’s just plain stupidity. Nevertheless, if the man feels like it’s worth sacrificing, then he should, by all means, do so. That, I think, is what MGTOW is all about.

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